Cheap Motel
by abovethenightsky
Summary: AU. Riku wants to lose himself. Roxas wants to be found. And against the backdrop of Sora's wedding, they learn that finding and losing sometimes come in unexpected packages. RikuRoku. AkuRoku. One-sided RikuSora.
1. Not With You

**1 - Not With You**

Riku had thought bars like this only existed in city basements. The dim, hanging lamps, the wood-paneled walls, the televisions blaring some kind of sports game, the smoke that clung to the air and made Riku's throat itch and his eyes sting. Places like these were good for forgetting, and only good for forgetting. Good for losing yourself in the smoke while you nursed your beer and avoided making eye contact with the bartender or anyone else. Not good for thinking.

That was alright. Riku didn't want to think. He'd only wandered over here because it was right next to the cheap motel he'd checked into for the night, and drinking in a bar with a bunch of silent strangers somehow felt more communal than grabbing a six-pack or two, shouting at the crappy TV, and eventually passing out in his room. Hell, Riku didn't even _like_ beer, but after a few bottles—how many? He couldn't really recall—he thought he was starting to tolerate the taste in favor of the buzz.

He didn't find himself this desperate that often, after all.

Sighing, Riku kneaded his forehead with his hands, then decided to cradle his head in his left palm, because that might make the room stop spinning. It also gave him an excellent view of the person sitting two barstools to his right.

His neighbor had been the reason he'd chosen that particular seat, actually, because it never hurts to have something nice to look at when you're getting smashed. And when Riku had come into the bar, the young man had been sitting there, listening to music with a pair of old-fashioned headphones, an incredibly bored expression on his face. It was his hair that had caught Riku's attention, actually, which was strange, because Riku didn't usually like blonds. His _hair_, though, was spiked up in such a way that Riku couldn't decide whether he'd used a hell of a lot of gel or just rolled out of bed like that. It looked hella good on him, though.

So yeah, interesting hair. And cute, too. Skinny, maybe, and he looked a little younger than Riku, but he was undeniably cute. He was wearing a leather jacket and tight blue jeans, and he wore them both well. And that would have been good enough to fuel perhaps a night of drunken ogling.

But then Riku got a look at his _face_, at his blue, blue eyes, and he couldn't look away. Yeah, staring was rude, but after a couple of beers, he was past the point of caring.

"Hey. You. White-haired guy."

Riku looked up. Blondie had just spoken to him. Perhaps it was just the beers, but Riku saw a halo of light around his head. Like an angel. Riku could use one of those. "What?"

"You going to sit there and watch me all night, or were you actually planning on saying something?"

Shaking his head, Riku managed, "No, just staring off into space."

The blond snorted. "Like hell you were. You were giving me a look that would have made my ex-boyfriend kick you from here to Destiny Islands." He leaned forward, beer in hand, and looked at Riku slyly. "I know when someone's undressing me with their eyes."

There was something familiar about this guy that made it vaguely jarring to hear him talking that way. But his voice. _God_. His voice was almost perfect. Maybe just a little too flat. But otherwise. _God_. "Do you mind?" Riku asked. "Because I'm pretty sure that the reference to your ex-_boyfriend _was a subtle hint that you didn't. Mind, I mean."

"Maybe." Blondie grinned and slid over to the stool next to Riku's. "Here. I'll make your job easier."

"Uh." Now that the blond was sitting right next to him, looking him over like a prize at an auction, Riku could see that his face was an inexact copy of what he'd thought it was. The lips were just a little too thick, the eyes just a hair smaller. But only a hair. If Riku hadn't been looking so hard, he wouldn't have noticed at all.

"What's your name?" the other man asked.

"Riku."

Blondie blinked, for some reason momentarily stunned, then shook his head. "Can I tell you a secret, Riku?" he said softly, leaning forward to speak almost right against Riku's ear. "I'm very, very drunk."

Riku shivered. "Huh. That's funny. I was about to say the same thing. Not…that…_you_ were drunk. That I was."

"What a coincidence." The cute blond was almost in Riku's lap by now. He would have been uncomfortable if not for all of the alcohol in his system. Blondie settled his hands on the back of Riku's jeans to pull him closer. "I think it's pretty lonely getting drunk alone, y'know? And I'm not even from around here, I'm just passing through…"

"Same story over here."

Blondie was grinning wickedly. He was half-standing off of his stool with one hand on Riku's shoulder as a stabilizer. "Well, I noticed you earlier, and I figured…as long as we're both here, and we're both drunk, and we never have to see each other again—"

It was probably just because Riku was very, very drunk that he decided to kiss the other man after about two minutes of very slurred conversation. Or perhaps it was because the other man looked like someone he knew very well and couldn't actually kiss. Regardless, Blondie's blue eyes widened, then closed, and pretty soon he had both of his arms twined around Riku's neck, almost falling on top of him. He seemed to like it. Riku hooked his feet around the back of the man's knees to draw him in closer, toying with the hem of his shirt. He felt fingers on the zipper of his jacket.

"Hey!" said the bartender, banging a glass on the table. They both looked up, hazy, slightly out of breath. "None of that in here."

The blond snorted. "Fine. Here." He pulled a bill out of his pocket and set it down on the bar. Riku couldn't see it clearly, but it was definitely more than a twenty. Maybe it was a hundred. The numbers were swimming before Riku's eyes. "For his drinks. And mine. Keep the change."

He took Riku's hand and nearly pulled him out the door. Riku stumbled after him, and as soon as they got out to the parking lot they were kissing again, drunken, sloppy kisses, devoid of any real warmth. Just for fun. Blondie was the perfect height, too, a little shorter than Riku, and he was the perfect weight, Riku could tell when the younger man pressed against him and groaned softly in his ear as Riku began kissing down his neck. It was the sexiest sound he thought he'd ever heard from anyone. But perhaps he was just confused.

Riku pushed them both up against the rough wall of the motel, enjoying this far, far more than he should have and not feeling the least bit guilty. But when his companion began reaching for the zipper of Riku's jeans, Riku had to lean down and hiss, "Not here. My room."

He could feel the other man smirk. "Do you even remember your room number?"

"I…" Riku blinked. "Shit."

"Doesn't matter. I'll get us a room. Come on."

They both staggered inside and to the receptionist's desk. It was late, and the woman only had to take one look at them to know what was going on. Apparently, she'd seen it before. Perhaps not with two guys, but she seemed unfazed by that, too. Unfortunately, when she asked for Blondie's name, Riku wasn't paying attention, too busy wrapping his arms around the other man's waist and trying, rather unsuccessfully, to nudge his jacket off of his shoulder without using hands. He did, however, notice when Blondie paid with a credit card and muttered, "Let's see him pay for this, too, the bastard."

"Room," Riku grunted.

"Coming."

"Not _yet_ you aren't."

The receptionist rolled her eyes. Riku thought uncharitably that she'd probably heard worse. "We're in 107," Blondie said. "Come on."

"Don't you have stuff?"

"In the car. Doesn't matter. Let's go."

She must have given them that room intentionally, bless her soul. It was only half a hallway away. When the got there, Blondie practically shoved Riku against the door, and when Riku reached under his shirt he started making those noises again, only more loudly this time, and Riku almost fell over from the way it—_God_. Or maybe that was just the drink again.

"I want inside," he managed, leaving it to the other man to decide which interpretation he liked.

The blond smiled against Riku's mouth. "Key. Back pocket."

He'd so put the key there on purpose. Riku reached around, putting both of his hands into both of the man's back pockets, only removing the hand with the keycard, squeezing with the other, earning a nip on the ear in return. It took him a few tries to get the card into the slot without looking. He was a little preoccupied by the removal of his shirt as the other man grew more and more insistent, rubbing up against him and groaning and it all seemed far too like what Riku _wanted_ and couldn't _have _but, then again, he was very drunk.

Finally, there was a whirr and a click, and they tripped inside the room, closing the door behind them.

---

Riku woke up six hours later in an awful, springy bed with his neck hurting and a headache that made him feel like he'd been knocked across the head with a wooden plank. Thank God it wasn't light out yet, or his brain would surely commit suicide and refuse to be resurrected, and while it didn't seem to be worth much now, he needed his fucking brain.

Untangling himself from the sweat-soaked sheets—room service would have quite a job in the morning—and without turning on any lights, he tripped his way to the bathroom to relieve himself and splash water in his face. Blinking, he stared up into the mirror and, in the red faint glow of the light from the hair dryer plugged into the wall, decided that he looked like a wreck, his hair all messy, dark bags hovering under his eyes. So much for the afterglow, although whatever glow he might have gotten from a quick, decidedly unemotional fuck would surely have faded by now.

Without knowing how he managed it, Riku found the bed again, and, after a fair amount of groping around, located the stranger, too. Blondie hadn't left in the middle of the night. Instead, he was lying on his side on the opposite side of the bed, breathing peacefully. Well, that made one of them.

Even though Riku knew he probably shouldn't, he followed his odd impulse to touch the other man, sitting down in front of the blond instead of returning to his own side. Gingerly, he reached out to brush the man's cheek, tracing his soft lips, the line of his jaw. No matter who he actually was, he was close enough that Riku could pretend. He stroked the blond's upper arm, noting the sinewy muscle and thinking that it was just about right.

It was then that Blondie woke up, blinking up at Riku through his long lashes. Riku immediately jerked his hand away.

"I—I—" he stammered, standing up and retreating back to his side of the bed. "Go back to sleep."

Curse the man for not following instructions. He shifted, looking at the clock, muttering to himself, "Only four a.m.? Shit. Too early for this."

"Yes," Riku breathed. "Too early. Exactly."

Blondie sat up, rubbing his eyes. He didn't seem nearly as hung over as Riku was. His actions seemed far too deliberate for that. He took his alcohol well for a twig. "No," he said, stretching forward, arching back, in a way Riku shouldn't have found familiar at all. "You're just avoiding the subject." Then he turned to Riku with a sly little grin and asked the worst question imaginable:

"Who's Sora?"

Riku froze. "What do you mean?"

"I _mean_," Blondie said, leaning in closer, "whose name did you whisper in my ear when you thought I wasn't paying attention?"

"I—Well, it wasn't as if _you_ gave me a name," Riku snapped, thinking that he probably should have learned the blond's name before he went and fucked him. It only seemed like common courtesy.

Blondie leaned back against the scratched headboard. The bed creaked. "I guess I didn't. But I'm not trying to interrogate you. I'm just curious. I mean, it really is none of my business, but I'd like to know who you were thinking of."

"It sure as hell is none of your business." A long pause, then, "My best friend. He's getting married in a week."

Blondie let out a low whistle.

"No shit." Riku didn't really smoke, but, for some reason, he was craving a cigarette right then. Wasn't that generally what people did in these sorts of situations? Smoked? "I was supposed to be the best man. I couldn't do it. I have no idea why, I just…I guess 'til death do them part is a hell of a long time. So I ran. I've been gone two days and I am not going back."

"Shitty thing to do, running out on your best friend's wedding."

"Yeah, well." Riku glared from underneath his bangs. "Go to hell. Who are you to judge me?"

"I'm Roxas," said Blondie. "Replacement best man."

Riku thought that jaws dropping only happened in movies or cartoons. He was wrong. His heart decided that the best course of action would be to sputter out and die, and he nearly fell off the bed.

"N-not Sora's twin brother, Roxas," he stammered.

Roxas leaned on his side again, resting his head on his hand, but this time, he was facing towards Riku instead of away from him. So there was a reason he looked so damn familiar. "Sora only has one twin brother, and I'm the only Roxas I know." He looked up at Riku expectantly, triumphantly. "You _are_ that Riku, aren't you? I thought you were. Of course, I haven't seen you since—"

"Since you ran away," Riku finished. "Five years ago. I—shit. _Shit_. I should have recognized you. You looked different, but, fuck, not that different. You're…older, and—shit." He wanted to continue with "I didn't know you were gay" but he thought he had. He dimly remembered that being part of the reason Roxas ran away. "I didn't know you and Sora were still talking."

"We weren't until he called me. In fact, we would have gone our entire lives without speaking again unless you hadn't—"

His sentence was cut off abruptly with a choke as Riku lunged forward, pressed Roxas into the bed, wrapped his hands around the younger man's neck, and squeezed. Hard. Roxas coughed, his damning blue eyes, so much like Sora's for so logical of a reason, pressed closed.

"You little _shit_!" Riku yelled. "What the hell were you thinking, trapping me in this mindfuck? You knew who I was. Why the fuck would you do that to me? I'm miserable enough as it is. I ought to _kill_ you."

"Can't—kill—me," Roxas choked.

"And why the fuck not?" Riku growled.

"Sora'd—hate you."

Riku let Roxas go, and the other man's hands flew to his throat, rubbing at it as he gasped for air. "Sora already hates me," Riku muttered. "I can't do anything about that now."

Roxas shook his head. "No. He doesn't hate you. He's sad, and confused, and he's hurting—not that I blame him, his best friend ran away little more than a week before the most important day of his life—but he doesn't hate you. I don't think he could."

"Fuck." Riku rubbed his eyes. All of this shouting was doing nothing for his headache. "I don't want to be having this conversation. Not with you." He glared at Roxas again. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Sleep with me."

Roxas shrugged. "Felt like it. So I could tell Sora what he's missing." Riku felt the anger flooding back into his face, and Roxas added, "Oh, don't worry, I _won't_ tell anyone, but Sora should be sorry he's straight."

"Fuck you." Riku lay back down on the bed, turning away from Roxas and pulling the sheet up to his chin. "It's four in the morning. I am going back to sleep, and then I am leaving this room, and you and I will never speak of this again, because we will never speak again. Good night."

The silence from Roxas' side of the bed was unnerving, and Riku could almost feel the other man smirking. God, how could two brothers who looked so much alike be so different? Riku heard a creaking, then, and the bed certainly felt a little lighter, but he didn't care to know where Roxas might be going. That was, until he felt the blond draw back the sheets on his side and press against his body, drawing Riku's arm around his waist.

"The hell are you doing," Riku muttered into the blond's hair.

"You want this."

Riku sighed and closed his eyes. "Not with you."

"No," Roxas agreed. "Not with me."

But Riku didn't move, and Roxas didn't say anything else, and they stayed like that until they both fell asleep, Riku pacified by what he would have sworn was the gentle sound of Sora's breathing.

---

When Riku woke up the next morning, Roxas wasn't in his arms anymore, and he felt a palpable amount of relief. Perhaps Blondie had gotten the message and scrammed. That was fine. Riku didn't really want him around for what he was sure was going to be the mental breakdown of his life.

Because…Roxas. How could he not have known it was Roxas? He should have recognized that hair, at the least; it was cut a little differently now than from when they were kids, a little more sharply, bringing out the angle of his chin, but that was no excuse. A shade of blond that blond was hard to forget. And his face…God. His face was very similar to they way it had been when they all were kids. Certainly, Roxas had lost some of his baby fat, and his cheekbones were a little stronger, as was his jaw, but those were changes Sora had gone through, too, and Riku should have known them for what they were. Shit. He must have been really, really drunk.

Or perhaps just really, really distracted.

Something had changed, though, because this Roxas was not at all like the one Riku had known as a child. That Roxas had been smart—smart enough to be in Riku's grade in school, even though he was a year younger than everyone else—and somewhat reserved, but normal, at least, as normal as anyone related to Sora could possibly be. That Roxas would not have come on to Riku in a bar and hooked up with him _knowing_ that Riku was his brother's best friend who was running away from his responsibilities. That is to say, that Roxas would not have taken advantage of him, or allowed himself to be taken advantage of, whichever it actually had been. Riku vaguely recalled having been pretty insistent himself.

"Oh, good. You're awake."

Riku blinked up into the daylight pouring through the window—fucker had pulled it _open_—to see Roxas standing there with his hands on his hips, only wearing his jeans, his hair still wet from the shower. In real, true light, there could be no mistake. Even though Roxas had Sora's blue eyes and his face and, hell, even his _body_, Riku couldn't confuse them in daylight. Roxas had somehow figured out how to hold himself with confidence, how to show off his flat (but not sculpted) abs and his shapely arms and even that pretty face of his in such a way that would drive women, and certainly some men, crazy. Sora, on the other hand, although he was built in very much the same way, was still as awkward with himself at twenty-two as he had been when he was a teenager in a way that was far too lovable to be legal.

"Get out," Riku muttered, burying his face in his decidedly flat pillow.

"It's my room, remember?"

"Fine," was the reply, and Riku shifted, glaring up at Roxas with one scathing blue-green eye. "What the hell do you want, then?"

"Come back with me."

Riku didn't move, barely allowed himself to react at all. "No."

"Why?" Roxas' mouth pulled back from his teeth in a sneer. "Are you afraid?"

His reward was a pillow to the face. "You _know_ why, or, you should know why, especially after last night. I'm not going to go back to Twilight Town to watch Sora marry Kairi."

"You never struck me as a quitter."

Riku snorted. "Yeah, well, you never struck me as a slut, so I guess we're even." Roxas only blinked at that. Pity. Riku had been hoping for something more. "Besides, Sora's straight. There's no point in me sticking around and trying to change his mind, because, as I'm sure you know, it doesn't work like that."

"He's your best friend. He deserves better from you."

"Yeah, like you have any right to be lecturing me. Weren't you the one who ran away from him without leaving so much as a note?"

The other man opened his mouth to retort, and then glanced at the clock and smiled with mock sincerity. "I have to make a call," he said. "It'll be quick. Don't go anywhere."

He pulled his cell out of the pocket of his jeans, dialed a number, and smiled at Riku while he waited for whoever was on the other line to pick up. Suddenly, Riku had an awful feeling gnawing at the pit of his stomach. "Give me the phone."

"In a minute," Roxas said mildly, stepping out of Riku's range. "I hope we even get reception out here—ah, yeah, here we go. Hey." He listened for a second. "No, no, everything's fine. I woke up a little while ago, gonna hit the road in a few minutes." A pause. "Yeah. But I met someone who I think would like to talk to you. You got a sec?" Another pause. "No, I'm not going to tell you who it is. It's a surprise." He held out the phone. "For you."

"Asshole," Riku said to Roxas, but he took it anyway.

"Hello?" said Sora's sleepy voice over the phone.

Riku had been expecting it, but his throat seized up on him anyway, and he couldn't speak. Roxas was watching him expectantly.

"Hello?" Sora asked again. "Is anyone there? I can't hear—I don't know, Kai, I think we might have lost the connection—Hello?"

"_Sora_."

"Riku!" Riku could almost hear Sora sitting up on the other end of the phone. "I thought it might be you. Are you alright?"

Riku pressed a hand to his forehead. "Yeah, yeah, Sor, I'm fine. Just calm down."

"Calm _down_? I was so worried, you idiot! We thought you'd been kidnapped, but then we went to your house and saw that you'd taken a bunch of stuff…Where did you go?" Sora's voice was quieter now. "Why did you leave?"

"I…" Riku swallowed. Roxas' eyes were boring holes in his back. "I just needed to get out of town for a couple of days, alright? I was feeling too much pressure. It was a lot of work making sure everything was perfect for you."

Sora seemed to accept that. "But you're coming back, aren't you? I mean, we didn't know, so I asked Roxas to come home, but…you are coming, right?"

Riku swallowed again. He felt like he was choking to death, like someone was squeezing his heart in an orange juicer. What else could he say?

"Well," Roxas said softly, "Are you or aren't you?"

Flipping off the evil twin, Riku held the phone very close to his mouth, ignoring the guilt devouring his insides, and whispered, "Yeah, Sor. I'll be there."

---

**_A/N:_** This is the result of looking at too much fanart. And what RikuRoku fanart is out there is very pretty.

So, pairings: RikuRoku, AkuRoku, and (obviously) one-sided RikuSora. Be prepared for a long, angst-ridden trek with lots of profanity and some sexuality, mostly implied. I don't usually do M ratings, but I was persuaded that later chapters needed warnings.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned these boys, I would not have time to write about them, I promise.


	2. Alternatives

**2 - Alternatives**

Half an hour, one cold shower, and a too-strong cup of coffee later, Riku felt a little less awful and a little more like hitting the road quickly. He was, however, no less wary of Roxas, who kept disappearing and reappearing at odd, seemingly random intervals. He was there when Riku got out of the shower, but had left when he was getting dressed, which Riku hadn't minded one bit. Then, after Riku had gone out to the hall to retrieve his own belongings from the room he intended to occupy, Roxas was waiting for him in the lobby, a constant, silent, hovering presence as Riku checked out with a different concierge than had been behind the counter the previous night. Thank God for small favors.

For some inexplicable reason, Roxas accompanied Riku out to his car without speaking a word, although Riku thought a sense of smugness fairly emanated from the other man, with his leather jacket and torn jeans and slight saunter in his step, which wasn't really what Riku expected out of someone he screwed the previous night. It was a little unnerving.

Just as Riku was preparing to close his car door and drive off in a could of dust, leaving Roxas far, far behind until the wedding, Roxas reached forward and stopped Riku's hand on the door. "Give me your number," he said.

Riku raised an eyebrow. "Why? In case you decide you're lonely and want to mess with my head again?"

A laugh. "No. My car's a heap of junk. If it breaks down on the highway, I'm either calling you or my ex-boyfriend. And I do _not_ want to end up calling my ex."

Riku sighed, but swapped numbers with Roxas anyway, because he, also, didn't want to end up stranded, alone, in the middle of nowhere, even though Roxas was the last person he'd want to have in his contacts list. Even so, he couldn't help but be slightly transfixed as he watched the other man tap his number into his cell phone with slim, nimble fingers. He wondered why he couldn't stop staring—it was just Sora's brother—but there was a part of his brain, stupid brain, which was remembering just what those fingers could do.

Roxas noticed his fascination and looked up, cocking his head to the side, smirking. "See something you like?"

"Go to hell," Riku snapped, stepping into the car and slamming the door in his face.

He ran a stop sign and two red lights before he realized that he should probably slow down, or at least be more careful. It would just make his day if he hit someone. So Riku merged onto the highway without killing himself, put the car on cruise control, and sat back in his seat and sighed. Perhaps it was the coffee. Or maybe it was just the morning. Gray, drizzly, dreary mornings like these always made him unusually restless.

Or maybe it was just Sora's evil twin, Roxas.

Riku pounded on the steering wheel, feeling the sudden temptation to blast eighties rock out of his speakers to put any other thought in his mind. How could any two people, twins, even, be as different as Roxas and Sora? Sora was light and carefree and perfect, and Riku _loved_ him, and Roxas…Well, Riku thought he was fairly beginning to hate him.

The worst part of this hatred was that Riku, initially, could barely remember what had happened last night after he and Roxas had left the bar. At first, he just recalled kissing Roxas, and how that had felt (although, granted, his real feelings were muted by alcohol, and he insisted to himself that if they hadn't been he never would have done that), but after the door closed on that hotel room door—nothing. And then it had started coming back, in bits and pieces. As Riku drove farther and farther on the highway, away from the cheap motel, the memory of whatever he and Roxas had done started creeping back into his consciousness, no matter how loud the music he played was.

He was just trying to shake off all of the ways that Roxas _felt_ like Riku imagined Sora would feel when a van cut right in front of him and he nearly hit it.

"Shit," he said, mostly to himself, as the woman in the minivan honked at him. He flipped her off and, in one of the most recognizable signs of insanity, began to speak to no one at all. "_Fuck_, I can't believe this. I hate—"

His cell phone rang.

Still cursing, Riku reached into his pocket, pulled it out, and flipped it open without looking at the caller ID. "Yeah, hello?"

"My car broke down."

_Roxas_.

Leaning forward, trying desperately to keep his eyes on the road, Riku asked, "What the hell do you mean, your car broke down?"

"It means what it sounds like." Riku groaned. "Hey," Roxas said, "I'm not happy about it either. But I don't plan on hitchhiking to my brother's wedding."

"You deserve it."

"Yeah, and if you don't pick me up, I'll have some very interesting details to tell him when I finally arrive. Let's call them 'Five Things Sora Never Wanted to Know about his Best Friend's Sex Life.' Number five—"

Riku sighed, defeated, and ran a hand through his hair. "Okay, fine. Where are you?"

"About a quarter of a mile before exit 38."

"You're behind me. I'll have to get off and get back on. It'll take a few minutes."

Roxas sounded satisfied. "That's cool. I can wait. It isn't that cold out here." He paused, then added, "But if I do lose any of my extremities to frostbite, we're extending that list to ten."

"You don't even know ten things about my sex life."

He could practically hear Roxas smirking. "You don't remember very much about last night, do you?"

Even though he was absolutely sure Roxas was bluffing—he had to be—Riku swore very, very loudly as he hung up the phone, just to make sure that Sora's brother could hear him.

He got off of the highway at the next exit and doubled back southbound, passing a car—he assumed it was Roxas'—stopped on the northbound shoulder. Figured. Figured that this would happen to _him_. Riku got off the highway again and merged back onto 850 North, merging into the rightmost lane so he could pull into the shoulder more easily.

It wasn't long before he spotted Roxas' car. Or, rather, Riku assumed that whatever it was Roxas had been driving had once been a respectable station wagon, perhaps thirty years or so ago. Now it looked more like a tan, dented heap of scrap metal with four sagging wheels. Perhaps Frankenstein's monster, incarnated in car form. The rear bumper was loose, one of the windows was cracked, and the paint was so chipped that the car was more exposed metal than anything else. The fact that it was smoking under the hood did not add anything whatsoever to its appeal.

Riku pulled up behind the thing and got out of his car to see Roxas leaning against the trunk, cool as a cucumber, chatting with another motorist who had pulled over to see if he was alright. She was female, Riku noted, and quite pretty, and very, very interested in what Roxas was saying.

Well, when the man was looking like that, shoulders back, hands resting lightly on the car, a little sweaty, hair slightly disheveled from the steam, shirt pressed back against his torso by the wind, leather jacket snug on his arms, who wouldn't be interested in what he had to say?

The instant Riku thought it, he mentally kicked himself.

Roxas saw Riku over the girl's shoulder, and only graced him with a momentary glance before turning back her. "No, that's fine. My ride's here."

"Oh." The girl glanced back at Riku, and he thought he saw a trace of a glare in her eyes. No, Riku thought, you're lucky I'm stepping in. You don't know where _that's_ been. "Well, if you're sure you'll be alright…"

"I'm fine, now." Roxas rewarded her with an angel's smile, which she returned. "But thanks. If I'm ever stuck on the side of the road again, I'll know who to call."

She grinned and, with one last glare at Riku, started off for her own car. And Riku himself could tell that, despite whatever Roxas was showing outwardly, he found the situation incredibly amusing.

"A friend of yours?" Riku asked dryly.

"Now," Roxas replied, shaking those fine blond bangs out of his eyes. "I make friends easily."

Riku didn't know what prompted him to say it, but felt he had to. "I am _not_ your friend," he snapped.

This only seemed to further amuse Roxas, and he smiled. Riku's stomach lurched. "You did come when I called," he said. "But let's just get my shit out of the car and hit the road, 'kay?"

"It's not a car," Riku grumbled, watching Roxas turn the key and unlock the trunk. "It's a heap of junk. You wouldn't even be able to get a mechanic near it."

"Hey." Roxas knocked on the hood of the trunk. "This baby got me five hundred miles away from my ex, and charging a thousand bucks to his credit card for her was totally worth it, even if she wasn't."

This only opened a whole bunch of new questions for Riku—what was Roxas running from, exactly?—but he was forced to tuck them away when Roxas dumped a large, black suitcase into his arms, removed the only other thing in the trunk, a guitar case, slammed the hood, and kicked one of the station wagon's tires in a final farewell.

"Didn't even think you _liked_ girls," Riku muttered under his breath.

He hadn't meant for Roxas to hear it, but the blond shrugged, still smirking that irritating smirk of his, and said, "I'm bisexual. It runs in the family."

"Genetics don't work that way." But Riku stowed Roxas' suitcase in his car without further protest, wondering why Roxas had packed so lightly. Roxas deposited his suitcase in the back seat of the car, climbed into the passenger's side, and they were off.

The instant Riku pulled out of the shoulder, Roxas took an old MP3 player out of his pocket and plugged up. Riku was grateful, although he wondered, vaguely, why he hadn't just used his ex's credit card to buy himself a new music player when he'd run away. Surely there was some satisfaction to be gleaned from that.

Roxas didn't say much, and for that, Riku was grateful as well. He didn't want to have civilized conversation with the man who was currently fucking up his life. But Roxas was so quiet that Riku had to occasionally look to make sure he was still there. Not for any other reason, of course, just to make sure that Sora's twin hadn't vanished, part of a nightmare Riku hadn't yet woken up from. Each time he looked, he saw the same thing: Roxas, slumped down in the seat, his feet on the dashboard, looking out the window, his eyes half-open, a pensive expression on his face. He sometimes tapped his fingers in time with whatever he was listening to, but that was it. After about the third or fourth peek, Riku noticed the pale exposed skin where the hem of Roxas' shirt didn't quite meet the belt of his jeans, and he resolved not to look anymore.

He couldn't quite take the silence, though, so after awhile he asked, "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," Roxas said, his voice distant. Then, "My ex. Five years ago."

"Running away?"

"Yeah," said Roxas.

And he didn't say anything more for the rest of that day's drive.

---

_Roxas remembered the first night away from home. He and Axel had been driving for five hours, but he found that he wasn't the least bit sleepy. In fact, he found that he was rather nothing at all, so he just stared out the window most of the time, watching the highway lights blur by on their long poles._

_He was listening to the shiny new MP3 player Axel had given him earlier that day—probably the previous day, now. Axel had been doing that lately, getting him things, things that Roxas didn't really need, like videogame cartridges and CDs and some new books, books Axel knew Roxas would like such as _Candide_ or the _Discworld_ series. Roxas wasn't sure if they were bribes or just gifts or both. After all, Axel wouldn't need to bribe him for anything, but perhaps he thought he did need to, to keep Roxas from running away from him as easily as he ran away from home._

_"I'm thinking we'll drive on this road for a little while," Axel was saying. "That alright with you?"_

_"Where does it go?" asked Roxas, putting his feet up on the dashboard and switching songs to something a little less upbeat. He didn't really care too terribly much, but thought that he might as well feign interest. It would keep Axel happy._

_"Well, if we drive for long enough, we'll get to Traverse Town," Axel said. "I was thinking we could meet up with my old roommate. He could put us up for a little couple of days."_

_Roxas shifted slightly. "Who, Demyx?"_

_Axel, who was too tired to grin, nodded. "He's a cool guy, Rox. Musical. You'll like him."_

_"But just for a couple of days, right?" Axel gave him an odd look, and Roxas added, "You told me staying too long anywhere was a bad idea, in case my parents sent someone to look for me." In reality, he was more worried about whether Axel's old roommate would put up with the two of them being rather loud at night, but he wasn't going to admit that to his boyfriend. It might give him ideas._

_"So I did," Axel said, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. "We won't stay for too long. If we keep heading north like this we'll eventually hit the Wonderland theme park."_

_"Why?" Roxas asked, biting back a bitter laugh. He thought he might be going crazy. "Just because I'm a 'kid,' I like that sort of stuff? Is that what you're saying?"_

_Axel looked at him, shocked. "No! I just thought…I mean, you like roller coasters, and candied apples, and they have this ride called Rabbit Hole with a _wicked_ drop, so I thought…Roxas, you're not a kid."_

_"I know. I'm sorry." Roxas didn't feel very sorry. He shrugged. "I haven't been to a theme park since I was eight. I guess it could be fun. What about after that?"_

_"After that…" Axel thought for a minute. "I thought we'd agreed to see Radiant Gardens, right? And then, we were going to go…"_

_Roxas let Axel talk for a couple of minutes about all the places he and Roxas were going to spend the next year visiting, but he wasn't really listening. He'd heard all of this before. Instead, he was still thinking about what Axel had just said, that he wasn't a child. Roxas didn't feel like he'd been a child for awhile. "The law says I'm still a child," he said suddenly._

_"Well, you aren't," Axel insisted. "What are you talking about, anyway?"_

_"I'm talking about how you need to stop treating me like Lolita," Roxas muttered, not intending Axel to hear. But all of this, the cross-country trip, not staying too long in any particular place, the gifts, they all smarted of that book Axel had to read once in his freshman year of college. The lights were very, very bright all of a sudden, and they seemed to grow in intensity the longer he and Axel drove. Axel said nothing, and Roxas assumed he hadn't heard. He tried to close his eyes, but his body wouldn't let him relax. He felt cold, but he was breaking out in a sweat._

_"Pull over," he said. "I need to get out."_

_Axel seemed puzzled, but obliged, veering off to the side of the highway and parking the car, putting on his flashers. As soon as he'd stopped, Roxas fumbled with his seatbelt, pushed open the door of Axel's old Mitsubishi, and staggered out, his sneakers crushing the wet grass by the guardrail. He doubled over and retched, closing his eyes as his body rid itself of his mother's spinach casserole. His last meal at home. How fitting._

_"Woah!" Axel cried in alarm, running around the car to hold Roxas' shoulders as the boy clutched at the rail. Roxas squeezed his eyes shut even more tightly as what felt like his entire intestinal system gave one last, dramatic heave, and he collapsed, leaning his full weight on the railing._

_When he opened his eyes he had to look away from the mess he'd made on the ground and realized that Axel wasn't stabilizing him anymore. He would have glanced around to look but his head was too dizzy. Besides, it was only an instant before Axel was rubbing his back again, and a paper towel entered his field of vision. He took it without a word._

_"Rox," Axel said, helping Roxas to his feet as the boy wiped his mouth. "If you feel like you're getting carsick, just tell me, okay? I'll stop for you." He kissed Roxas' temple. "How're you doing?"_

_"Better," Roxas managed, surprised to find that it was true in the physical sense, at the least._

_"Think you can walk okay?"_

_"Think so."_

_Axel considered this, studying Roxas. "Let's just sit here a minute," he said. "Alright?"_

_Roxas had no objection to this either, so he sat down, not caring that the grass would get his pants wet. Axel sat next to him, wrapping an arm around Roxas' waist and pulling him closer, so that Roxas could lay his head on Axel's shoulder as both of them watched the cars on the highway pass them by. Roxas pulled his legs closer to his chest, because he still felt a little cold, and Axel kissed the top of his head._

_"I love you," Axel said. "You know that, right?"_

_"I know," Roxas replied. "Love you, too."_

_Axel smiled. "And now we don't have to share with anyone else. We don't have to worry anymore. It'll be nicer this way."_

_"I never had any doubt about that." But Roxas knew that Axel meant "_I_ won't have to share _you_ with anyone else," the implications of which didn't bother him, but did make him a little apprehensive. Roxas had never worried about Axel, because Axel took care of himself, but Axel worried about Roxas all of the time._

_"I hoped not," Axel said, looking down at him affectionately._

_Roxas, on the other hand, looked up and asked, "What, you're going to kiss me? I just threw up, Axel. I'm going to taste terrible."_

_Axel laughed. "I don't care."_

_"I do. Let's get back in the car. I can kiss you once I've brushed my teeth."_

_"I'm in if that's a promise," Axel replied, helping Roxas to his feet. The two of them walked back to the car with Axel's hand very, very low on Roxas' belt, Roxas leaning against Axel's arm, partially for support, partially because he wanted to, and partially because he needed to feel…something. Anything. Even by proxy. And he didn't know _how_ he'd feel it. By absorption, perhaps? Osmosis?_

_He supposed that running away wasn't going to be as easy as he'd thought._

_They stopped at a hotel a few hours later, at about five in the morning. Roxas hauled his suitcase out of Axel's car and threw it on the floor of the hotel room, then went to the bathroom to brush his teeth as promised. But after he'd done that, he'd tumbled into bed fully dressed and nestled into the covers. A few minutes later, he felt a tentative Axel slip in beside him and press up against him. Axel never slept with clothes on when he didn't have to._

_Roxas felt lips on the back of his neck and a hand sneaking under his shirt and said, "Not tonight. I don't really want to."_

_Axel seemed confused, but he did stop moving, letting his warm hand rest against Roxas' stomach. "It's our first day of freedom," he said, in such a tone that Roxas couldn't tell whether or not he was teasing. "Why not?"_

_"I just…I think that I need a night to think, is all."_

_"Oh," Axel said. Then, after a moment, "Penny for your thoughts?"_

_Roxas sighed. "It's so weird to say. I thought I'd miss them more. Mom, dad, all of my friends…leaving is pretty permanent." He felt Axel nod against his shoulder. "But I don't miss them. I don't miss any of them. I mean, I'm not totally thrilled about leaving them all behind, but I thought I'd at least have some sort of pang in my gut. I don't feel anything." He paused. "Maybe I miss Sora a little, but we're twins. We slept in the same cradle. I take that for granted. I thought I might miss Hayner or Pence or Olette, but I don't. And I don't know…I want to hate myself for it."_

_"Don't," Axel breathed, squeezing him. "Oh, Roxas, _don't_. You're perfect and—don't hate yourself. These things take time, that's all. It probably hasn't sunken in yet."_

_"I hope."_

_"And isn't it better that you're not sulking?"_

_"I don't know. I should feel guilty. They're probably all worried about me."_

_Axel smiled into Roxas' back. "Hmm. Perhaps you're too affected by my overpowering and deeply sexy presence to miss your family and friends. I tend to have that effect on people."_

_"Quite possibly," Roxas agreed. "I guess we should sleep on it."_

_"Guess we should," Axel said, as Roxas turned his head so that he could dutifully be kissed. "You know, I am glad that you brushed your teeth."_

_"Mhm." Roxas strained closer to Axel and tried his very hardest to feel. "Love you, too."_

---

Riku checked himself and Roxas into separate hotel rooms. He charged it himself; whoever the poor bastard was that Roxas was taking advantage of should have known to have had his credit card cancelled by this point, but Riku didn't want to be an enabler if he hadn't. Besides, he didn't trust Roxas to put them in separate rooms—something about "economizing"—and Riku didn't trust himself to sleep next to the blond, because, regardless of Roxas' infuriating attitude, something about him was alluring, and Roxas would most likely not object to a repeat of the previous night's performance.

So Riku settled into his room, with its single queen-sized bed and TV with forty-two channels, and put on some trashy reality show to keep from thinking about Roxas or his brother, because, while thoughts of Roxas were simply annoying, thoughts of Sora stung.

_Sora_. God. He was nothing like Roxas at all. They looked alike, sure, but Sora…Sora would never, ever toy with people. He was too honest for that, too sincere. Roxas had been something like that once, perhaps, but Riku didn't see any of that remaining in him now.

He felt that the blond was out for vengeance of some kind—not against Riku, not against Sora—and was taking it out on the world instead. The man he'd run away with five years ago, perhaps…but Riku wracked his brain for a name and drew a blank. He remembered only the barest facts: the man had been older than Roxas by five years, and he had been the son of Sora's next-door neighbors. That was it. Sora had tried to erase the incident from his memory, so Riku had found no reason to bring it up, not when Sora's blue eyes grew far away anytime anything reminded him of Roxas.

Thinking of Sora's eyes would only lead to more thinking of Sora, _Sora_, a blessed goddamn ray of sunshine, who was marrying his childhood sweetheart in a week, who had known that he was going to marry her since he was fourteen, and who was so devoted that he wouldn't even let Riku throw him a bachelor party. Riku was almost glad for the knock on his door.

Well, almost.

"There's nothing good on TV," Roxas said. "We should have sex."

Riku stared.

Roxas grinned, an oddly childish expression in his pretty face. "Well, are you going to let me in or not?"

"You're drunk."

"And you're lonely." Riku remained frozen, his hand on the doorknob, as Roxas looked up at him. "Oh, come on, I know a desperate man when I see one."

Riku blinked. "Um," he said, his head fuzzy. "Look. I don't think you seem to understand how much I dislike you for messing with me."

Roxas snorted. "No, _you_ look. In fact, you have. You've been looking. You've been looking at me _all day_. And _you_—" He reached out for Riku, who took a step backwards. "You _want_ me. Well, again."

Riku shook his head, but this was his best friend's brother, and, in that way, he was somewhat responsible for Roxas' well being. "I'm going to let you come in," Riku said, very slowly. "But only so that you don't go off and hurt yourself. You can sleep on the couch. And if you try anything else—" He glared when Roxas opened his mouth to object. "I am going to _tie_ you to that damn couch. Understand?"

"Yeah, sure." Roxas breezed past Riku into the room, sitting down on the bed and shrugging off his jacket. "Sounds kinky." He switched off the television, then lay back with his hands under his head. His T-shirt was white and cotton and very thin, and it slipped up to expose Roxas' stomach to just above his navel where the fine trail of hair that—

Not thinking like this, dammit. Not.

"You're looking at me just like he does," Roxas said lazily. "Not just like, but, like…you know."

"Who? Your ex?"

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Axel. Jerk."

It was the first time Riku had heard Roxas mention his ex-boyfriend by name, but it brought back a flood of memories, a flash of red hair and intense green eyes and weird-ass tattoos. Axel had been five years older than Sora and Roxas, his next-door neighbors. He was also something of a delinquent in his high school years, if Riku recalled correctly (maybe he'd burned down something once?) but had always been good with those kids. Roxas…Roxas had hung out with him a lot whenever he was home from college…

"You were still with him, then?" Riku asked, sitting in a chair next to the bed, feeling rather like a therapist. Finally he might unravel some of these mysteries. "I mean, it seemed so spur of the moment when you ran away."

"Spur of the moment?" Roxas repeated. "Hah. Like hell. He and I had been…I don't know what you'd call it. 'In a relationship' is only sort of right. _You'd_ probably just say it was fucking, although it wasn't really just that either. We'd been fucking for two years before I ran away with him."

Riku did the mental math and raised an eyebrow. "You were with him since you were _fifteen_?"

"Guess so. Seven years is all I know. Seven years. Ha." Roxas looked at Riku. "And don't look so stunned. You've probably been screwing other people and pretending that they're Sora for about that long."

"I'm a year older than you, Roxas. Jesus. It's…it was a little better. At the time." Riku ran a hand through his hair. "If anyone had had any idea…"

"Well, they didn't," Roxas huffed. "And I know what you're thinking. You're judging me. Thinking that I'm some kind of manwhore. It was just Axel. Until a few months ago it had only ever been Axel." He closed his eyes, looking beautiful, tragic, the light from the lamp reflecting off of the graceful curve of his cheekbone.

"What happened, Roxas?" Riku asked quietly.

Roxas turned his face away. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Roxas…"

He sat up and swung his legs off of the bed. "No. I don't want to talk about it." After taking a few, stumbling steps, he sat down, lightly, gracefully, in Riku's lap. Riku really, really didn't mind, even though he wanted to pretend he did. Roxas settled his head down against Riku's shoulder. "He used to like it when we sat like this." He laughed, a hollow, aching sound. "I've gotten piss drunk the last three nights because of him. I should hate him."

"And you don't?"

Roxas' blue eyes—Sora's blue eyes—fixed on Riku with surprising intensity. "No. I love him. More than anything in the world." Counter intuitively, he accompanied this statement with a kiss, long, slow, and needy, which Riku granted him. When it was over, Roxas pulled back said, "So, I guess you and I have something in common after all." He laughed again, bitterly. "I hate these sappy conversations. Never usually have 'em."

Riku regarded him in silence for a little while. Finally, he said, "I don't pity you. You're the one who left."

"So're you," Roxas said. "But I don't need your pity. I just came because…I was bored." He sat up in Riku's lap and changed his position, wrapping his arms around Riku's neck, shifting so that he was between Riku's legs. Riku was oddly mesmerized by those eyes.

"You do want me," Roxas said, kissing Riku again. "Even if you really want Sora."

Riku's mind was resisting, but his body begged to differ, and his hands slid up Roxas' back, beneath the fabric of his shirt. "And what do you want?" he asked, his lips against Roxas' ear.

"I don't want to want Axel," said Roxas. "And you're an excellent alternative." He lifted his shirt over his head. "And," he added, "I'm drunk."

Not nearly as much as you're pretending to be, Riku wanted to say. But he didn't.

---

**_A/N:_** Yes, the rate of update is probably going to be much slower for this story than for _Glass Slippers_, which is my AkuRoku silliness. Thanks to **Frayedsoul, envy, **and** Miss-Lena** for reviews.

Much to the chagrin of my lovely beta, there was almost a sex scene at the end of this chapter but it never quite got there. I think I need to be more tired to write them without shame. :) Ah, well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and we may be able to hope for something later, no?

Reviews are lovely! Almost as lovely as older!Roxas, who is absolutely gorgeous in my mind. See you soon, and let me know what you think.


	3. Friends?

**_A/N: _**Long time, no see! Thanks to **Frayedsoul, Crimsonswirls, iluvtoady, loki lee**, and **niwa-k **for reviews! I love hearing from you, and am glad you're enjoying this story, even if the updates are a little slow.

Point to clarify in advance: The gang grew up in Twilight Town, not Destiny Islands. Hence, there would be snow.

I love the flashback scene in this chapter. I just...I have fun writing scenes like this. Anyway, continue for some Riku angsting, some Sora cute-ing, some more angsting, some, er, Broadway references, and Riku and Roxas finding out that they do indeed have things in common.

---

**3 - Friends?**

Riku was the first one to wake up that morning. Roxas was still sleeping soundly, sprawled out on the couch with a blanket pulled up to his chest, and Riku had to stop and think about how the other man had gotten there. It didn't take long to remember, and Riku pressed his hand to his forehead, recalling his last coherent thought of the previous night: _Well, let him stay there. I paid for the damn bed, and I'm going to sleep in it_._ There's not enough room for both of us to sleep on the sofa._

Well, that _had_ been an almost practical rationale, although he knew he was only using it as a front. He didn't want to touch Roxas, now, knowing who he was. Casual, no-strings-attached sex was fine—almost—it really shouldn't have been, should it?—but Riku didn't like the blond and certainly didn't trust him. And he was only able to trick himself into thinking it was Sora so many times before he started noticing too many differences, like, obviously, the length of Roxas' hair, or the feel of his skin, or…

Like, hello. This was Roxas.

Rubbing his eyes, he stumbled into the shower, blasted some frigid water into his face and washed his hair, then stumbled out again, toweling himself dry. He pulled on a pair of jeans, a black wifebeater, and a white sweatshirt, brushed out his hair a bit, then sat on the edge of his bed, cradling his head in his hands. God, his life was _so fucked up_. What had he done to deserve feeling this bloody awful?

Screwed his best friend's brother, actually. But that had only partially been his fault. Really.

Riku sighed. Well, might as well get Roxas going. _That_ might take awhile.

He crossed the room and knelt by the side of the couch, reaching out to gently shake Roxas' shoulder. The blond blinked sleepily, then groaned and threw his arm over his eyes. "Goddammit, Riku, close the _fucking_ blinds."

"You're not hung-over," Riku snapped, feeling his patience ebb. "Don't pretend you are."

Roxas removed his arm and, with an annoying little smirk, said, "Oh, good. That was inconvenient. Come here."

He didn't offer Riku much of a choice, pressing him closer and forcing him into a sloppy, early morning kiss, and at the time it didn't feel awful, but it didn't feel like much of anything else, either, and Riku didn't want to think about it all day so he pushed Roxas back and said, "No."

"Why not?"

"Because," Riku said firmly, standing. "I don't want to."

"Hum. You seemed to want to yesterday." Roxas stood, wrapping the blanket around his waist, then stopping to stare at it. "_This_ wasn't here when I fell asleep. Thanks."

Riku looked away. "You're Sora's brother. He'd be angry with me if you froze to death. And then I'd have to explain what you were doing naked in my hotel room."

"That _would_ be awkward. Or maybe…" Roxas coyly placed a kiss at the corner of Riku's mouth. "You do care. Just a bit."

"No. It doesn't mean I _like_ you. It just means I want to avoid controversy." Riku scowled. "I'm going to get some breakfast, do you want anything?"

"Mmm…black coffee. And some fruit. But I'll meet you out there." And, just to be contrary, he kissed Riku again before heading into the bathroom, humming to himself.

Roxas had to be insane. There really was no other explanation for it.

Sighing, Riku made his way out to the complementary continental breakfast—fairly generic hotel fare—and grabbed a copy of the newspaper to read out of boredom and morbid curiosity. He wondered vaguely what time it was and then decided he didn't care, and toasted himself an English muffin. He must have been glaring, though, or scowling, or something. There was a teenage girl sitting at a table who was giving him a funny look. But then he scowled in her direction, and she blushed and looked away.

Jesus. So she was checking him out? Of all of the things he _didn't_ need right then, it was another dig. And she hadn't meant any harm, but Riku was just tired of being looked at and used and never with any real _purpose_. He shook his head and removed the English muffin from the toaster, shuffling dejectedly back to his seat and burying his nose in the newspaper.

A few minutes later he heard "Morning, sunshine," and desperately wanted to disappear.

Roxas slid into the seat across from him, coffee cup and bagel in hand. "Hey, don't look like that," he said, smiling, teasing. "I promise, the nonconsensual harassment is done for today."

Riku raised an eyebrow. "You're in a good mood."

The blond shrugged, taking a bite of the bagel. "I like being able to remember the previous night. Especially when I've—"

"Jesus Christ, Roxas, keep your voice down!"

"No one _cares_," Roxas said, rolling his eyes, setting his coffee cup down on the table so he could rest his head on his hand and look up at Riku with those bright blue eyes. The man shouldn't be allowed to be this attractive. He really shouldn't. "Anyway, yes, I'm glad you could tell I was acting. I wasn't sure if you would sleep with me sober, and I didn't know if you would let me come onto you like that. I'm glad you did. It feels better than getting drunk."

Riku ran a hand through his hair, only mildly irritated now. Mostly amused. "Drinking and fucking. You've carved out some healthy options for yourself, haven't you?"

Roxas shrugged again. "One is much healthier than the other, as far as I can tell, and more fun, but that one also requires more effort and someone to do it with. Besides, they're both temporary solutions. And speaking of nothing," he rushes before Riku can cut in, "Sora and Kairi want to know if we'll make it back in time for dinner. Think we will?"

It's almost stopped being funny that Sora's name, even flung out so casually, has a visible effect on Riku. He knows it does. He feels himself freeze in the middle of folding the newspaper up. "Dinner? Tonight?"

"Yes, tonight. I told Sora we'd be able to make it but I'd double check with you." Apparently noting the expression on Riku's face, Roxas offered him a sarcastic smile. "Come on, don't look like that. You've been able to live with this infatuation of yours for years without jumping his bones. Barely anything has changed."

"It's not an infatuation," Riku muttered. "And, I'm not sure if you've noticed, he's getting _married_."

"Oh, come on. They were practically married anyway." Roxas shook his head. "I never understood Sora and Kairi. They were always off in their own little world. I mean, they sort of let you into it, but no one else had any idea what the fuck was going on with them. No one's…_like_ that, you know? Not that…"

He'd been about to say "Not that young," Riku could tell, but he'd thought better of it. Maybe because his relationship with Axel had given him a different perspective. "I don't think this is the right place to talk about it," Riku said slowly.

Roxas stood up, wiping his mouth on his wrist. "No, it's not, it's really not. Look, I've got stuff to pack up. I'll meet you at the car."

"Alright."

Riku doesn't mind being left alone, so he returns to his room, but finds that he has very little to pack, and sighs. God, he doesn't want to think about Sora. He doesn't. He—

Somehow, whenever he starts like that, it's always too late to stop.

---

_Sora was thirteen and Riku couldn't stop looking at him._

_He wasn't really sure why. Sora hadn't really changed at all. He'd grown a bit, but that's normal for thirteen. He hadn't gotten a haircut. His face was exactly the same. He was wearing the same baggy pants as usual, only this time with large yellow rubber boots and a poofy red snow coat his mom had picked out for him, probably. His wild brown hair was sticking out from all directions under his hat. He looked awkward and young and silly, and Riku couldn't stop looking at him, and he didn't know why._

_And Sora wasn't doing anything special, either. He was just trying to catch snowflakes with his tongue, like he'd done for years, whenever it snowed. He would always run up and down the streets of Twilight Town, trying to catch snowflakes with his tongue, usually falling flat on his face, and Riku, a year older and infinitely wiser, would be ashamed to be seen with him._

_On the contrary, Riku was staring. And it might have been because of the way the streetlamps at that time of night gave Sora a bit of a halo in Riku's snow-clouded eyes, or the way his breath fogged out in froth of his face, or the way that Sora insisted on going after those snowflakes with his eyes squeezed shut, which truthfully didn't make any sense at all. Riku had always belittled him for that._

_But Riku couldn't, and didn't, that night, so he simply walked next to Sora with his hands in his pockets and pretended that he wasn't staring as Sora bounded after the snow like some overeager puppy._

_Of course, this didn't always work. The pretending, that was._

_"_What?_"_

_Riku blinked. "Huh?"_

_"You keep staring at me." Sora grinned. "I knew this coat was stupid. I look like a clown, right?"_

_"Actually, you have snow on your nose," Riku said, reaching out with a gloved hand to brush it off. "Here, let me—"_

_Sora smacked his hand away. "What am I, six? There." He batted the snow off of his nose. "Now stop looking at me, you creep."_

_Riku gave a relieved half-laugh, half-sigh. Truthfully, he thought he might have melted if he'd touched Sora right then, like the tiny snowflake which had landed on Sora's cheek, just below his bright, blue eye, framed with those stupid girly lashes. It was frustrating. It was stupid to think that way about Sora. Sora was Sora. What was wrong with him?_

_What was _wrong_ with him?_

Whap.

_Something very cold hit the back of his neck with blinding speed. Riku put a hand up and came away with snow on his fingertips._

_"I told you not to stare at me!" Sora fairly squealed, his cheeks colored from the cold. "I told you, I—"_

_"Oh," Riku said, a grin spreading across his face, "You are _so_ dead."_

_He knelt down to pick up snow of his own, packing it with purpose, deploying it with deadly force. Sora ducked just as Riku threw it and tore off down the street as quickly as he could in those silly yellow boots and six inches of crunchy white snow, fearing, no doubt, for his life. Riku gave chase. What sort of friend would he be if he didn't?_

_They ran along the street, which sloped gently into a hill, back in the direction of Riku's house, where they were both spending the break. Sora's parents were taking something ridiculous like a second honeymoon and spending two weeks in Destiny Islands. Accordingly, there was no one to protect Sora, nowhere for him to hide besides behind a couple of snowdrifts which could be easily knocked over._

_"If you kill me," Sora called, dodging another well-aimed snowball and pausing to turn and feebly aim one of his own, "You're not getting any of my stuff. Like my money. Or my Game Boy. I know you want my Game Boy, Riku!"_

_"Or those stuffed animals you sleep with?"_

_"They are not stuffed animals!"_

_"Once you're dead I can say, 'Look, Kairi, he slept with _these_. Aren't you glad you didn't end up going out with him?'"_

_"Shut up!" A snowball hit Sora square in the back. He kept running, but he was slowing now, and Riku, the predator, saw his chance._

_"And then she'll look at me and say, 'Oh, Riku, I was making such a mistake! What did I ever see in that boy?'"_

"_Riku! Stop it!"_

"_And then we'll get married and have lots of children, and all because I happened to kill you one—"_

_Sora whirled around, no doubt with the intent to lob more snow at Riku's face, but he'd misjudged Riku's speed and instead ended up lying face-up, in the snow, with Riku's hands on his shoulders, pinning him down. "No fair," he said, pushing ineffectually at Riku's arms. "Riku, no fair! You're older than me!"_

"_Too bad," Riku said, grinning. "You messed up my hair. Now you must _die_."_

"_No! Puh-lease!" Sora squirmed. "I'm too young to die!"_

"_I know. It's kind of sad." Riku planted his elbow in the snow just next to Sora's left ear and leaned his head on his hand. "Now, the question is…_how_ to kill you."_

_And he surely would have continued along this line of intimidating and threatening Sora, which never ceased to be a source of amusement, except for the rather distracting thought of _Hey, look, our noses are only inches apart. _And Riku wasn't sure exactly why that thought was so distracting. It certainly shouldn't have been. It wasn't as if Sora's nose was particularly interesting. Not even that cute little smattering of freckles across it. And, wait, cute? What?_

_Something was surely wrong with him. Sora did not deserve to be thought about like this. He was Sora, and Sora was normal. And also male. And Riku didn't like guys. He liked girls. He knew this because he had never kissed guys. He only kissed girls. And really only a couple of them, despite what he'd told Sora. And that had been…fine. What, was kissing supposed to come with sparks and fireworks and shit like that? No! Sparks and fireworks and things like that were not manly. Like stomachs doing flips were not manly either. And his stomach was certainly doing flips now. And he hadn't even kissed Sora yet._

_But why the hell was he thinking about kissing Sora? He didn't kiss guys, although he vaguely remembered being at this point with all of the girls he'd ever kissed, the point where yes, he was inches from her face and he could see everything written on her face, just before he closed his eyes and leaned in. Girls' faces were never perfect like they were supposed to be, really: they always had a couple of zits or eyes which weren't quite the same size or funny-shaped noses, up close. Sora's face wasn't perfect either, but it was certainly closer. His eyes were the same size, at least, and very, very pretty, and currently looking very annoyed at Riku._

_But, really, Riku shouldn't be thinking like this at all, and he searched desperately for something, anything really, to think about and his eyes fell on a little bit of Sora's skin on his neck which wasn't quite covered by his face and had turned raw and pink from the cold, and he'd really be doing Sora a favor if he covered that with something. Like maybe his mouth._

_And, suddenly, Riku found himself lying on his back, the world flipped upside down, with Sora sitting on his stomach, his arms crossed, looking very, very satisfied with himself._

"_Wha—" Riku began._

"_You let your guard down," Sora explained. "Just for a second, really. But that was all I needed." He leaned forward, just a bit. "I am like a viper," he added, conspiratorially._

_Riku laughed, but nervously, because Sora, with his knobby knees and awkward hands, was definitely not like a viper at all, but also because something in Sora's voice had made him shiver, but not from the cold, and then—with a panicked _Ohgodnothisissowrong—_he _noticed_ something which shouldn't have been there at all._

_It was rather fortunate that Sora's hips were not just a bit lower, he thought dimly, because otherwise Sora would have noticed, too, and that would have been fairly difficult to explain._

_Where was this coming from? Any of this? Riku wasn't gay. He'd…well, truthfully, it wasn't that he hadn't thought so. It wasn't even if he hadn't considered the possibility, before. It was just that he wasn't. He couldn't be. And especially not for Sora. Sora was Sora._

_But then again, hadn't this been coming for awhile? Had he ever really found girls interesting or really even all that attractive at all? And hadn't he always worked to tease Sora to make him smile, or even just to get his attention? Because Sora's _smile_ was, had always been, really, really butterfly-worthy. One of few things that were worthy of anything at all._

"_You're staring again," Sora huffed._

"_It's not my fault," Riku muttered, wondering what the most expedient way to get Sora off of him might be. "You're blocking my view."_

"_Yes, well, stop. You're making me nervous."_

"_Nervous?" Riku repeated, feeling very strongly that Sora deserved to have the living daylights kissed out of him just for the innocence in that remark, because he really had no idea about any of the thoughts which were running through Riku's head or through various other parts of his body. "I'm making you nervous? You're the one who has me pinned."_

"_Yes," Sora said again. "I do. But—"_

_A snowball came out of nowhere—thank God—and caught Sora upside the back of the head, completely preventing him from saying whatever it was he was going to say. He cried out, though not entirely unhappily, and looked up and behind him, a grin splitting his face. "Kairi!"_

_Riku's entire body turned to ice, and all he could think was _Jesus, God, she can see _all_ of me, please don't let her notice anything. _But he could tell that she hadn't, at least, not yet, because her eyes sparkled with the same oblivious innocence as Sora's as she said, "Hey guys, what are you doing?"_

"_Beating the shit out of each other," Riku said casually. "What else?"_

"_Riku!" Sora exclaimed. "We were doing something much…better than beating each other up, Kai, I promise."_

"_Lies," said Riku. "Can I get up now?"_

_Kairi giggled. "Looks like Sora won."_

"_It won't happen again. Sora, get off and go make snow angels with Kairi or paint your nails or something. I'm tired."_

_Sora rolled his eyes, but obliged, and, while Riku puzzled how he could possibly get up without either of them noticing. He sat up and drew his knees in a bit while Sora said to Kairi, "I don't really paint my nails. Just so you know."_

"_I know," said Kairi, giving him a small smile. Something gnawed at the pit of Riku's stomach, but he ignored it. Or tried. Really, something clawing at your stomach is pretty difficult to ignore. "You know, snow angels sound like fun. Riku, are you up for it, or are you 'too tired?'" She used air quotes and everything._

"_Snow angels sound like fun," Riku replied, "if you're six. You two go ahead. I'm going inside."_

"_He's just a sore loser," Sora explained. "Race you to the field?"_

_Kairi nodded. "'Kay. Count of three? One, two—"_

_And they were off. And Riku was grateful for the distance for about thirty seconds, until they slowed down, laughing, just before they reached the end of the block, and Sora made a slight, clumsy grab for Kairi's hand. And Kairi didn't pull it away, or hit Sora with another snowball, or anything. She just let him hold her hand. And then the clawing thing was back again._

_This really…this was very, very bad. Terrible. Shit. Riku put his head on his snow-soaked knees and groaned._

_Whatever was happening here, it couldn't end well._

_That was, if it ended at all._

---

Roxas was singing. It wasn't awful, since Roxas had an excellent ear for pitch and a pretty good voice, but the problem was what he _was_ singing.

"Will you _please_," Riku said, trying desperately to keep his eyes on the road, "shut the fuck up! I will _crash_ this car, Roxas, I swear. And I will also conveniently forget to turn on the passenger airbag."

"Calm down," Roxas said, grinning boyishly. Riku was reminded that Roxas had been a normal kid, once. For about three seconds. "I can't believe I didn't notice your satellite radio before!"

"Yes. I have one. It's very exciting. Will you switch off the fucking Broadway channel before I'm forced to commit vehicular homicide?"

Roxas put his hand to his heart rather dramatically. "I'm wounded. I don't actually like this junk, you know. You're just startlingly easy to annoy.

"And yet you know all of the words."

"I played pit orchestra for _Damn Yankees_ in high school. Oboe, remember? So this is nostalgia. It was hilarious watching Kairi seduce that…what's his name, from what I could see of it. Sora must have been furious."

Riku had nothing to say to that. Sora was much too kind to be furious. Sora, who didn't have a dramatic bone in his entire body, had watched and grinned and clapped from the audience and said "It's just acting, Riku" when Riku pointed out that his girlfriend was up on stage in lingerie. It was incredibly vexing.

"All of Kairi's little drama friends kept telling her how lucky she was to have a straight boyfriend who likes musicals. Really, Sora's just tone deaf enough to stand them, and he'll like whatever Kairi likes." Roxas hummed a bar or two. "Stupid show tunes always get stuck in your head."

"Roxas." Riku concentrated very, very intently on the road. "I'm well aware of what Sora likes and what he doesn't. He was sort of my best friend."

"Really? And here I thought you just wanted him for his body."

"You're obscene."

"Glad you noticed." Then Roxas began to sing again, low and casual. "_Don't you know you can't win? You're no exception to the rule. I'm irresistible, you fool! Give in…_"

Riku batted off the hand which had slowly crept onto his arm. "Look, fine. You can keep the Broadway, but don't seduce me while I'm driving. I'd like to get to Sora's place _alive_."

Roxas sighed, putting his feet up on the dashboard again. "You're no fun. In all honesty, I've done worse to people while they were driving, and they've lived."

"Too much information. Thanks."

"I didn't say _what_." Roxas raised an eyebrow. "Unless you'd like to know. Or find out firsthand."

"I can imagine." Riku shook his head. "You're going to drive me insane with this manic-depressive stuff. Did you take your pills today?"

Roxas snorted and leaned back in his seat. "Really. You're a charmer. I'm surprised Sora hasn't thrown himself at you." He hummed along with the music again. "And it's your fault I'm so happy. I really like the prospect of spending my nights sober and—" He gave Riku a meaningful look. "—with company. It's good to have a friend."

"I. Am. Not." Riku bit off the end of every word. He couldn't stress it enough. "Your friend. As soon as we get to Sora's I'm dumping you in a hotel and not looking at you again until the wedding."

Frustratingly enough, the blond waved him off. "Not my friend, then. But even so, you're much too involved to turn back now."

"I am not. People have casual sexual encounters all of the time. I _know_, Roxas. It means nothing."

"I know what you think you know. Just watch. The minute I call you, you'll be back." And before Riku could retort, Roxas leaned forward, his good mood half-dissipated, and muttered, "You're right. This is a shitty song. We should change the channel. To hell with Broadway."

And when Roxas leaned forward, just then, Riku noticed the sunlight in his' hair and groaned, because he knew that, yes, however much he hated Roxas, he would be back. Whatever this was, it was much too interesting to stop.

---

They drove for hours and arrived in Twilight Town just before nightfall, and Riku was tempted to drive straight home—and deny Roxas' requests to let him crash on Riku's couch, or in his bed—but Roxas reminded him of their date with Sora and Kairi, and Riku had to sigh and give in. (_Give in…then the drums…give in…stupid song_) So he drove them both to Sora's apartment, albeit reluctantly. He was, accordingly, the victim of many, many unforgiving smirks from Roxas' direction.

Sora and Kairi still lived separately. They had always lived separately, and they were going to live separately until they got married, at which point Sora would move in with Kairi. Her apartment was cleaner. Riku, was, unfortunately, privy to all of this information, and had to share it with Roxas.

"You're kidding," Roxas said. "So they still haven't—"

"No," Riku said shortly. "No they have _not_."

Roxas whistled. "How long have they been dating? Like eight years? I always thought that stupid chastity pact of theirs would fall through."

Riku looked away. "It's…a personal choice. I mean, if it were because of religious pressures I could sort of see…but…"

"But they just decided that they wanted to _wait until marriage_. Yes, I _know_," Roxas said. "It's so frustrating. Riku, how can you stand even being around them?"

For a moment, there was no other sound in the car than the jazz music which Roxas had turned on awhile ago. Then, Riku said softly, "You're jealous."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Of those two? No way in hell."

"You are." Riku swallowed. He hadn't said this to anyone. He hadn't ever intended to. "You are. I am. They're happy. Roxas, they _love _each other. I've never known what that's like. Not…like they do."

There was silence from the passenger seat. Riku looked over at Roxas expectantly. He'd mellowed out in the past couple of hours. Now he just sat there, staring out the window. "I did," he said. "I told you I did." Then, after a moment or two, he added, "You stopped the car."

"I did. We're here. This is his building."

"Alright." Roxas turned to Riku with a small, almost sympathetic smile on his face, and he undid his seatbelt so he could lean out of the seat. "Cheer up, emo kid," he said, kissing Riku on the cheek. "You're a good guy at heart."

Riku smiled weakly in return. "And what about you? Bad guy at heart?"

Roxas laughed bitterly. "What heart?"

"And you say I'm the emo one." Riku brushed Roxas' hair out of his eyes. He and Sora did have that one thing in common, although the eyelashes which framed Roxas' eyes were fine, light brown. "Alright. Come here."

He closed the distance between them. He liked the way Roxas almost pretended he was someone special when they kissed, the way he closed those pretty blue eyes of his and reached out to touch Riku's face. It made Riku wonder whether he'd had a lot of experience pretending, or maybe just a lot of experience with kissing someone he liked so he thought that was how it should go, the little touches and the warmth. After all, for years, Roxas had only been with Axel. He'd have to ask Roxas why…why they'd broken up, sometime.

Riku pulled back. Roxas glanced at his hand, the one which had been resting on the armrest between their seats and saw that it had instinctively curled around Riku's free hand, and between his fingers, and he made to pull it back. Riku, for the first time, felt the slightest bit of pity. Roxas looked like he'd accidentally revealed the tiniest part of his soul. After all, this was the first time they'd kissed, _really_ kissed, out of a certain context, either before or after sex.

But there was that obnoxious Roxas, the one who liked pushing Riku's buttons, and then there was this one. It was funny, really; in this Roxas Riku could see the shadow of a boy he once vaguely knew.

"Keep it," Riku said softly, looking at Roxas' hand. "It's alright."

"God," Roxas said, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand to hide the glimmer of tears. "I am such a sap. I miss Axel." He looked up at Riku. "Forget about this. It won't happen again. So…are we friends?"

Riku considered it. "We…have a lot in common."

"Yeah." Roxas laughed again. "Shit."

"Hey, Riku? Is that you in there?"

Riku physically jumped. In fact, he jumped so high he bumped his head on the roof of the car. Roxas burst out laughing, sympathy evaporated. "Jesus, is it always that bad?"

"Worse." Riku rubbed the top of his head. "Ow. Holy fuck, I hope he didn't see us." Roxas was about to ask why, and Riku held up a finger and whispered, "He doesn't know I'm gay. And you're his brother. Even Sora can put two and two together, so keep quiet."

"Mum's the word." But Roxas was grinning again. "Can he really? The last time I was here he was still getting five."

"Oh, you just shut up." And with that, Riku stepped out of the car and put on his well-rehearsed casual face. "Hey, Sor. How've you been?"

---


End file.
